Igniting Relationship Agreements During Lockdown
In this episode of the Alt-Normal with Eri Kardos, we explore the new story of love and relationship emerging —shifting out of obligatory “shoulds” into reclamation of vulnerability.
On episode 16 of our podcast, we immerse our curiosity in all things relationship, love and conflict navigation with best-selling author Eri Kardos, also one of the most highly-referred relationship coaches globally, working with clients across 6 continents ranging from top tech executives to Hollywood celebrities to World-Champion athletes. She is known for her passion in helping powerful people create even more powerful relationships. She authored the best-selling book, Relationship Agreements: A Simple and Effective Guide for Strengthening Communication, Reducing Conflict, and Increasing Intimacy to Design Your Ideal Relationship. Before embarking on this path, Eri was a former leadership development professional at Amazon.com where she discovered that for her to have the greatest organizational impact (and feel most alive), she wanted to focus on relationships. Thus began her path.
With loneliness being the #1 public health crisis ahead of obesity in the US, there is clearly opportunity for a new relationship story to come through. While the old world model of relationship has been distorted in duty, obligations and the “should’s,” the new emerging story on this podcast points to ever expansive choice and possibility.
If we can thrive in our partnerships and own our growth from the inside out (to be seen, love and heard), magic can truly happen as far as wide as the mind can imagine. Who we are at the core in the bedroom and boardroom are one and the same. The integration across both is where we’ll see true transformation.
It’s fascinating to ponder the complexity of being in partnership. The nature of it requires a commitment to being absolutely and unconditionally honest with yourself, even when it’s most uncomfortable. Only then can both individuals own up to their core wounds and meet their inner toddlers with the love, support and wholeness they likely didn’t receive at some point growing up. Only from that honesty can tools like the relationship agreements be in service of the highest growth of self and partnership. There’s no one size fits all magic pill for relationships — it’s a constantly living breathing organism that like anything, needs and wants tending time and time again. Tending to the deepest parts of ourselves (dare I say, souls) longing for expansion and transformation, to become free.
“Over time I see people start with really big 8 page long relationship agreements, and then over time, they become looser. Because there’s trust being established. they may even become one or two lines of how we trust and love each other.”
Guided by the work of Gay Hendricks, best-selling author of “The Big Leap,” Eri shines a light on one of the book’s groundbreaking concepts that keep us all from our desired breakthroughs. The “upper limit problem” is what Gay describes as this blockage that all humans seem to face — we simply haven’t developed the tools to access the highest expressions of our happiness. Through no fault of our own, we are so uncomfortable in the experience of happiness that we instead sabotage the elevated moments and milestones, unconsciously reverting to making ourselves miserable. Instead of expanding in happiness, we shrink in the “I shouldn’t be feeling this way.” It’s high time we reframe the old story of performing love for a standard outside ourselves and reclaim the truth of our most authentic loving selves — one that is intentional, trusting and self-expressed in our vulnerability.
